Still Standing here

Although I may miss you every day, I will not punish myself with pain because I am not the one who gave up.  I am not the one who broke my promise, I am the one left standing here, right here where you left me.  

Don't Assume!

Rancho Cucamonga High School Football Program Information and Links

 

For any information on Rancho Cucamonga High School Football Program in Rancho Cucamonga, California 



https://www.facebook.com/fourthqtrclub.booster?ref=ts


or


http://leaguelineup.com/welcome.asp?url=rccougarfootball


or


http://www.maxpreps.com/high-schools/rancho-cucamonga-cougars-(rancho-cucamonga,ca)/football/schedule.htm


or


http://www.maxpreps.com/high-schools/rancho-cucamonga-cougars-(rancho-cucamonga,ca)/football/home.htm


or


http://rchs-cjuhsd-ca.schoolloop.com/athletics


or


http://www.berecruited.com/high-schools/california/rancho-cucamonga/football


or


http://www.ncsasports.org/football-recruiting/ca/rancho-cucamonga/rancho-cucamonga-high-school


or


http://www.insidesocal.com/sb/fowler/

I have never been one to hide my feelings very well. If I am happy, sad, angry, hungry, sleepy you will be the first one to know. It is just who I am. I am not a fake person in any means, I do not hide any part of my life from anyone nor do I want to. For the most part I do not lie, at least not about the big things. If you ask me a question I will answer you, you may not like it but if you have asked something, I will be respectful enough to answer you. I answer every single question ever asked of me, and if you request something of me I will do my best to fulfill it. Yes I am a people pleaser. Yes I have insecurities about not being loved or wanted, which brings me to the point of this post. 

What a difference a year has made. Literally. I was going through photos from this time last year and Wow has my life changed. If you know me personally apparently it's hard work being my friend and apparently the fact that I take everything to heart is the main reason why I don't have any friends. Or that at least seems to be the reason why one year later I have lost almost all 24 people that are in the photos. 

I seem to be the reason why my relationships with everyone in my family are on "hold". Which by the way leads me to a whole another issue, who says that? Besides children ages 12-16, who puts a lifelong relationship on hold based on someone else's feelings? One may say, No one does, but one would be wrong. One may say, well one shouldn't care, if you’re not worth their time, then they shouldn't be worth yours, right? Yes, you would be right.

That is not the way it works for me, because for better or worse I do have feelings. I care, I really do honestly care and if you are a part of my life it's because I care about you. So telling me that our relationship is on hold well, you should have just cut my heart out, because as far as our relationship goes I no longer have one. 

I am not the best writer by any means, but I try. I have rewritten this post 3 times already and might I add while on vacation. This vacation has been bittersweet for me because I am having the best time I have ever had here but at a great cost. I have hiked everyday here in the Sierra Mountains which I have not done since I was a child. I have fished with my Dad; I have been able to take a million photos every day. My family and I went out on a boat for a day and my godson was able to watch my son catch a fish up close and personal. I have even cooked 3 pretty good meals a day while we have been here camping. 

Despite all the fun that my family is insisting that I have every day, my heart still aches. So after I have finished the dishes for the night I write, or at least try to. It is not easy for me to spend time doing things for myself; in fact it makes me feel very uncomfortable. I would much rather be doing for others. (Hence the hiking, family request, I comply.)

My family has been coming here to this camp ground my whole life in fact even before I was born. It has always been the one great pleasure of my Father's life. He seems to be a peace while here. For me it's not so much, I would much rather be anywhere but here, until I get here then I am so glad I came. I enjoy it here because my whole family enjoys it here. I see the smiling faces when they have caught a fish or racing each other up another mountain. I love, love, love the fact that there are no phone service, no internet, not even a TV! It just quality time with my beautiful family. 

Eleven years ago in this same exact place I lost who was once called a family member. She did and said something to my 10 year old child that was at the time unforgivable to me. So as the years went by I learned to live without her in my life but every year that I return here I am only reminded. Sometimes I just sit here and wonder what I should have done differently to still have her a part of my life, but I can't find a thing. 

The last 2 years and 10 months I had become very close to another extended family member which was hard for me because I had such trust issues because of other people in my life. But despite it all I let her in, I opened my heart and I trusted and believed everything she ever told me. Only to be torn to pieces. If only I had not done what my heart told me was okay to do. If only I had just kept my mouth shut I would still have the remits of a family. It hurts me every day and I have moments when I will just start crying then I wipe my tears and move on. 

I have decided from all the bad will come good, I will spend quality time with my family; I do not have to be anywhere but here with them. I do not have to have material things or people in my life because it is already full. I am so very blessed to have the life, Children, and Husband I have but will never feel the need to have to rub it or any other blessings I may have in anyone's nose. I promise to continue to give what I am able to give to others in my life. I promise to be a friend that a friend would like to have. 

It is hard for me because unlike other issues in my life I know what I could and should have done differently. But the most painful thing of all was finding out just how little I really did mean to the single most important person in my life. 

I will forever love you also but I deserved to be treated better than being put on "hold", goodbye..

To Let Go ~

TO LET GO ~ 

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring, it means that I can't do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization that I can't control another.

To let go is not to unable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another, I can only change myself.

To let go was not to care for, but to care about.

To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.

To let go as not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes, and to cherish the moment.

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone, but to try to become whatever dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to feel less and to love more.

Diagnose

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.” 
― William Gibson

BLOW ME (ONE LAST TIME) 

http://youtu.be/lUqoHUFo1F4

wedding myths

Preparations for the day This saying dates back to Victorian time and the full version is 'something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue and a silver sixpence in her shoe:  Something Old: Represents the link with the bride's family and the past. A common solution many brides choose is to wear a piece of family jewelry or their mother's or grandmother's wedding dress. Something New: Represents good fortune and success in the bride's new life. The wedding dress is often chosen as the new item. Something Borrowed: To remind the bride that friends and family will be there for her when help is needed. The borrowed object might be something such as a lace handkerchief or an item of jewelry. Something Blue: Symbolizes faithfulness and loyalty and dates back to biblical times when blue represented purity. Frequently the bride's garter is the blue item. A Silver Sixpence in her Shoe is to wish the bride wealth, both financial and happiness. Before the wedding Sign your married name before the wedding: It is considered bad luck for the bride to sign her married name before the wedding as it tempts fate. The bride shouldn't make her own dress: For every stitch of the wedding dress the bride sews herself she'll shed one tear during her marriage. The Wedding Dress Married in White           You have chosen right. Married in Blue                 You lover is true. Married in Pink           Your fortunes will sink.  Married in Green      You will not long be seen.  Married in Red       You'll wish you we're dead. Married in Yellow        Ashamed of the fellow.   Married in Brown        You'll live out of town. Married in Grey                You'll live far away.      Married in Black     You'll wish you were back. The Wedding Day Monday for health, Tuesday for wealth, Wednesday's the best of all. Thursday brings crosses, And Friday losses, But Saturday - no luck at all. On the way to the church: It is fortunate for a bride to meet a lamb, a dove, a spider, or a black cat on her way to church: but a pig or funerals are bad omens, and country brides fear the crowing of a cock after dawn of the wedding day. It is also fortunate that if on the journey to the church the bride sees a policeman, clergyman, doctor or a blind man. The groom should give a coin to the first person he sees on his journey to the church for good luck. Wearing pearls: To some, pearls represent future tears and are a bad sign. However, to others, the wearing of pearls takes the place of the bride's real tears, thus she'll have a happy, tear-free wedded life. Dropping the wedding ring: This is a contradictory wedding myth. The positive myth is that dropping the wedding ring during the ceremony shakes out the evil spirits. The negative aspect is that whoever drops the ring is said to be the first to die. Time of day to get married: The couple should exchange vows as the clock's minute hand is "ascending towards heaven" (i.e. upwards). Seeing the bride: It is good luck for the groom not to see the dress before the wedding day. It will bring more luck if he does not glance at the dress as the bride walks down the aisle. The Ceremony Wedding Veil: The wedding veil hides the bride's beauty and wards off evil spirits. Another explanation is that during the times of arranged marriages the bride's face would be covered until the groom had committed to the marriage. Where to stand: The bride stands on the left of the groom during the marriage ceremony to allow his sword arm to be free ready to fight off other men who may want her as their bride. Immediate celebrations Confetti: Confetti has replaced rice or grains in modern times; the rice was thrown at the bride and groom to encourage fertility. Wedding bouquet: The throwing of the wedding bouquet was introduced from America and it is said that whoever catches the bouquet will be next to be married. The Guests Wedding gifts: Wedding gifts are bought by the guests have replaced the custom of bringing fruits that used to encourage fertility. Favors: The tradition of giving guests something to remember the day by in the form of favors has been around for hundreds of years. Today, the tradition has evolved to giving each guest five sugar coated almonds to symbolize health, wealth, fertility, happiness and long-life. After the wedding Dominating influence: If a bride wishes to be the dominating influence in her married life, she must be the first to buy something after the marriage. The best way to ensure this is to buy a pin from the chief bridesmaid when changing into her travelling costume. (Sorry grooms we don't think a round of drinks counts!) Removing the pins: A bride should throw away every pin when removing her dress and veil, or she will be unlucky. After the ceremony The threshold: Carrying the bride over the threshold protects her from any evil spirits that may be lurking in the new home.

Four Things you may not have know about your Cell Phone

Four Things you may not have know about your Cell Phone

1) The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile network and there is an Emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly, this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out. 

2) Imagine your cell battery is very low, to activate your, press the keys *3370#. Your cell phone will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get change when you charge your cell phone next time. 

3) To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following Digits on your phone: *#06# A 15-digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. 

If your phone is stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones. 

4) Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial:  (800) FREE411 or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all.  Program this into your cell phone now.

Who doesn't love Brownies?

My Daughter and I made Brownies the other night to take to School with us! 

These are the only ingredients you will need. 

 Mix the Brownie Mix as it says to on the Box 

 

Diversity

I truly believe I must have the most diverse set of FB friends on my timeline ~ Republican, Democrats, Catholics, Christians, Mormons, Atheists, Married, Single, In Relationships, Separated, Divorced, Gay, Straight, and In Between. White, Black, Tongans, Mexicans, English, Spanish, Latin and Tongan Speakers. Jr. High, High School, and College Students from 13 to 56 years old. From LA to Idaho and everywhere in between. Mostly all Animal Lovers but some more than others. Drug Addicts, Drunks, Criminals and even some recovering ones. Artists, Plumbers, NFL Players, Gymnasts, Stay at home Moms, Dancers, Coaches, Accountants, Police Officers, Billers, Hotel Operators, United States Air Force Officers, Teachers, Service Reps, Mary Kay, UPS, Helicopter Tecs, Students, Photographs, Makeups Artists, Business Owners, Nurses, Veterans, Handyman, Counselors, Sales, Brick Layers, Hair Dressers, Models, Bankers, Couch Potatoes, Bartenders, IT Techs, and Gangsters. Many Tattooed, some living the dream some wishing it would all go away. But the one thing you all have in common is how very much you all mean to me. Thank you for being my "friend" and sharing your lives with me.

 

@atruemom photography